How You Can Develop One Skill That Helps You Prioritize
Saying no is like committing suicide on a Liveme career. In addition, you are afraid to ruin relationships or friendships. You’d rather be tied to a chair while someone scratches the board with their nails.
Is not it?
But trying to please everyone is just as bad as constantly eating unhealthy food. Satisfying everyone (or even trying) makes you feel hurt and insecure. In addition, people burden you with more work, which causes frustration, burnout, and anxiety.
If you feel this way, don’t worry. You are not alone. Many people go through the same thing. So much so that researchers have made “refusal” a subject of study. The results are promising.
Benefits of opting out
Secretly, you know that you must refuse “favors” that are asked of you. You know that you must take care of yourself and your work before using your energy to help others. You should say “no” more often.
But if you do, the other person may feel bad. He may change his mind about you. You may also lose the sense of connection in a relationship.
Right?
According to Vanessa Bones, an assistant professor at Cornell University, this is not the case. She said,
“People don’t take no as badly as we think. Most likely, the consequences of saying “no” in our head are much worse than in reality.”
Think about it
When was the last time you ended a friendship because someone turned down your simple request? I guess you’ll have to think carefully. Even then, there’s a good chance you’ll draw a gap.
The same applies to you
So, if you want to work on Liveme and not hang out with your friends, give them up. They won’t mind. If you have a constructive task, give up lazy colleagues who shift their work to others. In any case, they will find another naive scapegoat.
Here are four more compelling benefits you’ll love when you say no:
1. You are in control
You, not your friends or colleagues, know what is best for you. Saying no to what you don’t like will allow you to focus on what you are doing. As a result, you remain in control of your life instead of letting others control it.
2. Are you happy
Letting go of tasks you don’t want to do frees up time for those you want. According to the Dalai Lama, doing more of what you like and less of what you don’t like makes you happy. And it is happiness that leads to success, and not vice versa.
3. You get respect
For your “yes” to mean something, you must say “no” more often.
If people understand that you are not the type to agree easily, they will respect you. And they will choose the tasks for which they will turn to you for help.
4. Bye, negative people
There are two ways to say “no”.
First, you can focus on what you really desire. Second, you identify the people who deserve to be in your life and who don’t mind if you refuse their requests. And those who are offended… well, they can go their own way.
5 Steps to Say No Without Feeling Guilty
Now that we know the benefits, let’s discuss how you can confidently say no.
1. Reject the request, not the person
Mentally and verbally make it clear that you are rejecting the request, not the person. Look the person in the eye, smile sincerely, and explain why you are refusing his request. Realize that guilt is self-created.
You can start by saying “I wish, but…” to muffle the punch when you decline a request.
2. Be firm when you make a decision
Once you’ve said no (or yes), don’t give up. Saying “no” requires gentle firmness. No arrogance, only firmness. If you are persuaded against your will, people will recognize the pattern and use it against you. And you will be right where you started.
If you said yes, get rooted in the present moment and work on the task. You have no way out, so you can do your best.
3. Suggest an alternative
You may not like the hotel where your friends want to eat. At such times, offer alternatives. For example, say, “I don’t like the hotel because it has slow service. Why don’t we go to someone else instead? Or, if a colleague asks for help when you’re short on time, say, “I have a deadline. If no one helps, come back after Thursday. We’ll work on this together.”
4. Postpone the answer
The intelligent are by nature impulsive. We often give up weapons only to regret our decisions later. An impulsive “yes” can immerse you in the flow of work. Thus, an immediate “no” can make you regret your decision. Because, looking back, the challenge was constructive and exciting.
Take the time to make a decision. Weigh the pros and cons.
5. Practice on yourself first
To say no to others, you must start with yourself. Don’t waste money on things you don’t need. Say no to whipped cream in Starbucks coffee. Don’t get in a taxi when you can walk.
Research shows that the more you strengthen your willpower, the easier it becomes to say no. So practice strengthening your willpower.
6. Bonus Tip: Relax
The key to saying no without hurting others is to relax.
Practice in front of a mirror. Be heard. Watch your non-verbal communication. Is your body tense? Is your mouth twitching? Are you frowning? These are signs of stress.
Regular practice will help you relax your body and mind. This will teach you to relax.
You deserve better
What is important to you? Personal happiness or to please everyone?
Nobody can please the world. Even Michael Jackson and Nelson Mandela had a lot of haters. You will not be different. So stop trying.
Instead, devote time to what you enjoy. Prioritize your work so you can move forward in your personal and professional life. Choose between what is important and what is not. Say “yes” to the first and “no” to the second. Believe me, saying “no” is not as difficult as it seems now.
Don’t work on other people’s dreams for the rest of your life. It’s time to start implementing your own.